Resolution Read online

  “Just watch your back,” Daniel warned. He glanced over his shoulder, obviously looking for Hakan. “Do you know about Takoda and Hakan?”

  “That they used to be lovers? Yeah. Enapay mentioned it.”

  Daniel shook his head. “It was more than that. They loved each other. It was Father Sky who commanded Takoda to break away from Hakan. Even though Hakan didn’t know it at the time, he was meant to be mated with me and Ryker.”

  Tears filled Daniel’s eyes. “Takoda never has been able to get over Hakan. He feels he was cheated out of his true mate. Crows mate for life, ya know? So in Takoda’s mind, Hakan was it. Enapay loves Takoda and has for years, but Takoda won’t even look at Enapay that way.”

  “So why won’t Enapay move on?” Gray had to ask. How many times over the previous month had he witnessed Takoda’s cruel words hurt Enapay? How many times did Gray wish he could wrap his arms around the slightly bigger man and soothe him?

  “Because golden eagles also mate for life,” Daniel explained. He sighed. “I think for Enapay, he’s already mated his heart to Takoda, even though the two of them have never been sexually involved.”

  Gray nodded. It was what he’d expected. He’d seen the way Enapay gazed at Takoda when he was sleeping. Sadly, it was probably the same way Gray gazed at both men. “I’d better get going.”

  “Holler if you need me,” Daniel yelled as Gray shut the car door.

  He drove the distance to the house he’d been given. Evidently, it used to belong to Mica and was more than adequate for his needs. Gray rushed inside and began clearing his research material out of the spare bedroom, thankful the house had come already furnished.

  After the room was cleared of boxes, Gray found a clean set of sheets in the hall closet and quickly made up the bed, making sure to put extra covers on. Takoda had lost quite a bit of weight, and even though it wasn’t cold outside yet, the small shifter never seemed to get warm enough.

  He was surveying his work when he heard a knock at the door. Gray started for the living room when the knock came again, only this time it sounded like a desperate pounding. Gray picked up his pace and opened the door. “Enapay.”

  “You didn’t tell Takoda did you?” Enapay asked.

  “No. I was waiting for you to do it. Where’ve you been?”

  “Thinking. Praying to Father Sky.”

  “Dr. Sparrol won’t keep Takoda. He’s insisting he be released within the hour. I’m going to bring him here. I don’t think he’s ready to be without medical supervision, but Sparrol won’t listen to me.”

  “Here?” Enapay shook his head. “I need to look after him.”

  Gray glanced over his shoulder at the couch and sighed. He knew from dealing with him in the past that Enapay could be quite stubborn at times. He also knew he couldn’t blame the bigger man for wanting to be at Takoda’s side. “The sofa folds out.”

  “You want me to stay here?” Enapay appeared uncomfortable with the suggestion.

  “If you want to be close enough to Takoda to keep an eye on him, you don’t have much choice,” Gray tried to explain.

  “But my home is in the trees,” Enapay argued. “It’s where I belong.”

  “And Takoda? Would you have him reminded daily of what he may never be again?”

  Enapay turned and stepped off the front porch, running his slender fingers through his long hair. “I can’t think about him never being able to fly again. It truly will kill him.”

  Enapay put his hands on his hips and began pacing back and forth beside Gray’s car.

  Gray wasn’t sure what was going on, but Enapay appeared to be arguing with himself about something. Finally, the eagle-shifter turned and marched back up the steps.

  “For two days I prayed for Father Sky to take my power to shift and give it to Takoda.”

  After listening to what Daniel had to say about shifting, Gray was stunned Enapay would go that far for Takoda. “And?”

  “He refused to answer. Evidently, he was either not listening or didn’t care.”

  Chapter Two

  “What? Of course he cares. He created your shifter half,” Gray argued.

  Enapay shrugged. He felt like he’d been abandoned in his hour of need.

  Gray took a step forward. “You’d really give up your eagle for Takoda?”

  Enapay narrowed his eyes at the handsome man. He’d been over the situation many times in his head, and this was the only solution he’d come up with. “I would.”

  Tears swam in Gray’s dark blue eyes. “You love him that much?”

  “More. If I have to, I can live without my eagle, but Takoda is his crow.”

  “And if Father Sky eventually grants your wish, what are you going to tell Takoda?” Gray asked.

  Enapay stared Gray in the eyes and walked up the porch steps to stand in front of him. “Nothing. As far as he’s concerned, I like being a man and have no need for my eagle. Are we clear?”

  Gray started to reach out to Enapay but stopped before actually making contact. “He has no idea what he has in you.”

  Enapay swallowed around the lump that had formed in his throat. “Even if he never knows, it’ll be worth it to me to save Takoda’s crow.”

  Gray tugged at his earlobe for several moments. “I’ll need you to convince Takoda to come here. We’ll tell him his crow is sick and it will only make it worse if he tries to shift. Hopefully he’ll regain his strength before either facing the truth or Father Sky grants your wish.”

  Enapay nodded. “I’ll continue to ask Father Sky every day until he answers.”

  * * * *

  Takoda groaned when Enapay carried him to the bed in Gray’s house. He hated the claustrophobic feeling buildings elicited, much preferring to fly through the wide-open spaces of nature.

  “Why do I have to stay here?” he asked once again.

  Enapay tucked the blankets around Takoda and sat on the edge of the bed. “You’re still not well. Dr. Whitmore wants you close in case you need medical attention.”

  Takoda glanced around the room. He wished he had the energy to put his foot down on the matter. Unfortunately, he was well aware of his deteriorating health. “Am I going to die?”

  “No,” Enapay said flatly. “As long as you do what the doctor tells you, you should be okay eventually.”

  Enapay reached out and brushed his hand over Takoda’s forehead, sweeping away the loose tendrils of hair. “For now we need to concentrate on getting your strength back.”

  Takoda closed his eyes, unable to meet Enapay’s emotional gaze another moment. It wasn’t that Enapay’s touch didn’t affect him in a sexual way, but Takoda knew a relationship between them could never work.

  There was a time when he’d been close to accepting Enapay’s offer of love and companionship, but then Hakan had needed his and Enapay’s help. It wasn’t helping his old lover that caused the doubt in Takoda’s heart. It was Enapay’s constant shifting that had convinced Takoda his friend would rather live in his man skin. Takoda couldn’t imagine a greater torture.

  “I’ll let you rest,” Enapay whispered.

  Takoda feigned sleep until Enapay left the room and shut the door. Takoda opened his eyes and surveyed his surroundings. It was full of human trappings he wanted no part of. The nurses in the clinic had tried to get him to watch television. They’d even offered him something to read.

  Takoda had screamed at the women, informing them birds don’t read. Dr. Sparrol had run into the room to try and calm him. The doctor had gone on to explain that some birds did, in fact, know how to read. He’d had the nerve to offer himself as an example.

  Beyond pissed at the condescending tone of the man’s voice, Takoda had informed the doctor he wasn’t a real shifter. Takoda knew for a fact that Sam Sparrol had grown up in a house, raised by parents who were not shifter at all.

  Sam had tried to give him some mumbo jumbo about being orphaned by his real parents. He’d claimed he was grateful the Anderson’s had taken him
in when they had.

  Takoda snorted. Yeah, like that was a real favor. The humans had taken away the gift Father Sky had graciously given the Native American population.

  After that day, Dr. Sparrol rarely said more than two words to Takoda when he came to his room. That was just fine with Takoda. The less he had to speak to the faux-shifter, the better.

  Turning onto his side, Takoda fit the blankets closer to his ears. He couldn’t believe how much colder he was without the warmth and comfort of his feathers. It had become obvious to him that many of the bird shifters, including Enapay, were re-adapting to life in their man skins. He doubted he ever would. He loved his crow too much to ever give him up.

  Takoda could remember being a child and looking up at the soaring birds overhead. He’d longed to be one of them. When his tribe had been given the gift, they’d been dying of starvation. As crows, they’d been able to eat much less and become full. Even the harshest winters hadn’t kept them from finding something to eat. It was the life Takoda had always dreamt of, and one he couldn’t wait to return to.

  As his eyelids grew heavy, he imagined himself floating on a gust of wind over the many cornfields to the south. He drifted to sleep with a smile on his face for the first time since he’d become sick.

  * * * *

  “Did you get him settled?” Gray asked as he set a platter of steaks on the table. He wasn’t sure how much a shifter the size of Enapay ate, but he did know enough to serve him meat.

  “Yes. I think he’s tired.”

  Gray gestured to one of the chairs. “You hungry?”

  Enapay rubbed his stomach. “Yes. Thank you.”

  Gray tried to concentrate on his food as Enapay started cutting up a large steak. He’d known it wouldn’t be easy to share such close quarters with a man as charismatic as Enapay. It wasn’t just the expanse of bronzed muscles on display from the shirtless man that sat across from him. There was so much more to Enapay than his looks. Gray had found very few men he could say the same about.

  In his experience, there were the lookers and the keepers. Lookers rarely had anything going on under the surface, but keepers were usually very nice men who did little to turn Gray on. It was a shame he’d finally found a man who did both for him, only to discover Enapay was unavailable, at least emotionally.

  Enapay talked for a few minutes about the housing situation with the bird shifters. According to him, the remainder of the shifters should be settled within the month. They were still planning to build a few extra houses in case they got more in, but the arrivals had slowed to a trickle over the past week.

  As Gray listened to Enapay talk, he became entranced by the Native American’s cadence. He knew he’d never tire of hearing the man speak. Gray was so enthralled he hadn’t even noticed he’d stopped eating and was leaning on the table, his chin resting on his palm.

  “Are you tired?” Enapay asked.

  Gray snapped out of his trance and sat up. “No. Just listening.”

  Enapay finished his meal and stood. “If you’ll show me where everything goes, I’ll do the dishes.”

  “If you’ll wash, I’ll dry and put stuff away,” Gray offered.

  As Enapay filled the sink with hot soapy water, Gray began clearing the table. He had a question on his mind he’d been dying to ask since he’d first become involved with the shifter project. The recent developments with Takoda had made Gray even more curious.

  Table cleaned, Gray took the first dish from Enapay and began to run his towel over the bright blue plate. “Would you mind if I asked you something?”

  Enapay handed him another plate and shook his head. “Ask away.”

  Gray concentrated on the plate in his hands. “What’s it like?”

  Enapay turned and faced Gray, his head tilting to the side. “What’s what like?”

  “Shifting. Can you feel it happening?”

  Enapay’s lips pursed as he seemed to ponder the question. “It doesn’t hurt if that’s what you’re asking. It’s…” Enapay shook his head. “I’m not sure how to explain it. You know when you drink too much and you get that feeling that you’re not quite in your body? Like…you see your hand, but it doesn’t want to do what you want it to?”

  Gray nodded.

  “It’s kind of like that, but only for a second. I’m standing there and I think about shifting, and then I feel…off. In the next second, I’ve shifted.” Enapay shrugged. “Does that make sense?”

  Gray once again felt lost in Enapay’s dark eyes. He nodded his head slowly, imagining what it would be like. “What’s it like to be something different?”

  “What do you mean?”

  Gray dropped the towel on the counter and wrapped his arms around himself. “There are times when I wish I was anything but what I am. I wish I could run away, or in your case, fly away. I guess I wonder what it would be like to see the world from two different points of view.”

  Enapay reached out and put his hands on Gray’s shoulders, giving them a comforting squeeze. “I think it depends on who you are. For Takoda, life as a crow means everything. He’s not comfortable living as a man even though that’s what he started out as.”

  Enapay’s touch felt warm on his skin even through the layer of cotton between them. “What about you?”

  “Me?”

  Enapay’s entire expression changed. Gray could see the dark clouds settling over the bigger man’s features. Gray bit his bottom lip. He hadn’t meant to hurt Enapay in any way. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

  Enapay shook his head. “I like to fly, but there are things I’ve missed about living in my man skin.”

  “Like?” Gray dared to question.

  “Stupid things. Smiling. Talking like we’re doing now.” Enapay’s grip moved slowly down Gray’s arms to clasp his hands. “I miss touching and being touched.”

  Gray threaded his fingers through Enapay’s and leaned forward as the bigger man did the same. Their lips were mere inches from each other when…

  “Enapay?” Takoda called from the bedroom.

  Enapay blinked several times before pulling away. “I’d better see what he wants.”

  Without looking back, Enapay fled the kitchen.

  Gray turned and braced his hands on the sink. What the hell had they almost done? What bothered Gray more than anything was he wanted to do it again. He had to keep reminding himself Enapay was in love with Takoda.

  * * * *

  Enapay rushed into Takoda’s room. “Is something wrong?”

  Curled into a tight ball on his side, Takoda looked up from under the pile of blankets. “I’m cold. Do you know if there are anymore covers?”

  Enapay leaned over and put his hand to Takoda’s forehead. Takoda’s skin was extremely warm. Enapay glanced toward the door. Gray said Dr. Sparrol couldn’t find anything wrong with Takoda. If that was the case, why did the man he loved feel feverish? “Let me go ask.”

  Takoda’s eyes closed again despite the shivers currently wracking his frail body. Enapay gave in and bent to place a kiss on the side of Takoda’s head.

  “Don’t,” Takoda grumbled as he moved his head out of Enapay’s reach.

  “I just…I worry,” Enapay admitted, hurt at the rebuff.

  “You smell like a human.”

  Enapay sighed. “I am human and so are you. When I’m in my man skin, I’m human. Gray said our blood proves that.”

  “Yeah? Well, why don’t I feel human? I still feel like a bird that can’t fly. I’m cold without my feathers.” Takoda gazed up at Enapay. “I don’t want to be human again. I never will.”

  Enapay couldn’t help but feel Takoda was trying to tell him something besides the obvious. He sat down on the mattress beside the man he loved. “What’re you trying to say?”

  Takoda’s eyes filled with tears. “I can’t live like this, and by nature, we can’t be together in our bird skins. My feelings for you aren’t enough. I’ll never be able to be with you, Enapay. You need to underst
and that.”

  Enapay swallowed around the lump in his throat. “That’s not true. What about Hakan? The two of you made it work for years.”

  “That was a long time ago. Seeing him the way he is now…” Takoda shook his head. “It’s not that I hate being in my man skin. It’s just not comfortable for long. I find it…suffocating. A relationship, even one built on love, wouldn’t last.”

  The news tore a hole in Enapay’s heart. He stood and walked out of the room without a backwards glance.

  As he made his way through the living room, he ran into Gray. “Will you try to find Takoda another blanket? I need to go out for a while.”

  Struggling to breathe, Enapay didn’t wait for an answer. He burst out the front door and shifted. As he took flight, in the orange glow of the setting sun, he tried to appreciate the beauty around him. He knew if he could get Father Sky to listen to him, it was possible he could lose the ability to transform into the other half of himself. Was it worth it? After what he’d said, was Takoda worth it?

  Enapay flew to Suni’s house. The cougar Alpha had become a good friend. Enapay wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but he needed to talk to someone. He shifted and knocked on the front door.

  Mica opened the door and smiled. “Hey.”

  Enapay stepped into the house when Mica gestured him in. “Is Suni busy?”

  “Nope. We’re just finishing up supper.”

  Enapay followed Mica into the kitchen. Suni and Jarek were leaned back in their chairs, talking about the day. Enapay hated to interrupt. The two men looked so at ease with one another.

  Suni glanced up and grinned. “Did you smell the garlic?” Suni gestured to the bowl of spaghetti and left over garlic bread. “Jarek’s trying to kill us with his newfound love for spices.”

  Enapay shook his head. “I was hoping I could talk to you about something.”